Nature seems to have a limitless supply of creativity. From giant spiders to gamma ray bursts, nature has gotten more mileage out of the same old material than the writers of The Simpsons.

But sometimes the things she comes up with are so goose-fucking insane they make Crispin Glover look like Jean-Luc Picard. We're talking about creatures that seemed to have abandoned all earthly processes of evolution to achieve pure horror.

Like...


Deep Sea Hatchetfish A.K.A. the Fish That Will Eat Your Soul



Also known as the fish of the damned, it appears the only reason we don't hear their curse-filled lamentations is because they're underwater. Fill your aquarium with these fuckers and you'll fall asleep every night watching them silently proclaim your impending damnation.

They only grow to be about four and a half inches long, but their bite-sized terror is potent--they hide in the deep during the day, then rise up at night, returning once more to the abyss as day breaks. We believe they're called hatchetfish because that's what you'll wish you had in your hand if you saw one.