The Mata Mata Mutant Turtle




WTF, whose idea was this? What you'd suspect was a regular turtle after a series of grotesque radiation experiments is actually mata mata, a South American turtle that looks like a cross between Bowser and Ian McShane.



Supposedly its hideous exterior camouflages it from its prey, but really the thing is just so fucking ugly that fish would rather get eaten than have to look at it. Fortunately, people aren't on the menu, but with a shell that measures 18-inches long and a body that weighs 33-pounds, we wouldn't tease them with our fingers.

All right, we need to get something cute and furry on this list, ASAP.